


Secret Love....

by Beatlegirl1968



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: 1960s, Celebrity Crush, Doris Day, First Meetings, Multi, Secret Crush, Smile (Band) Era, University, teenage dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:40:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29444226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beatlegirl1968/pseuds/Beatlegirl1968
Summary: So this is a little one shot about Brian and Roger in 1968.  Brian May has said that Doris Day was his favorite female singer.  His favorite song?  Secret Love.  After considering this fact, my little story just wrote itself.  A link to a video of this song is provided.  Please listen to this wonderful performance before you read this story.  I hope you enjoy.P.S.  There might be a sequel...HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY 2021 EVERYBODY!https://youtu.be/H8P_p7dB2dw
Relationships: Brian May/Roger Taylor
Comments: 10
Kudos: 18





	Secret Love....

'Once I had a secret love  
That lived within the heart of me  
All too soon my secret love  
Became impatient to be free

So I told a friendly star  
The way that dreamers often do  
Just how wonderful you are  
And why I am so in love with you

Now I shout it from the highest hills  
Even told the golden daffodils  
At last my heart's an open door  
And my secret love's no secret anymore'

\----------------------------------------------  
Feltham 1960's 

"Your dinners getting cold..." Ruth May told her son as she yelled up the stairs to his bedroom.

"I'll be there in a minute...." Brian responded with his own raised voice. He heard his mother make a disparaging sound as he turned back around to look at the cover of the album he was listening to. He just wanted to finish listening to his favorite song. One more time. As he heard Doris sing every line his stomach fluttered. Not only was it the sound of her lush voice but it was the words that she said to him in song. The secret desire she held and the longing for it to come to fruition. Brian knew what she meant. The intention. It was something unspoken that you dreamed of only in the innermost part of yourself. A thing you didn't tell your best friend or your mother. A love that dare not speak its name.

The song finished and Brian immediately picked up the arm and moved it back to repeat the same number. Brian smiled as the beginning notes came through his speaker and he rolled over and laid out flat on the floor of his bedroom. He ignored the hard wood surface beneath him and the chill from the poorly insulated house as he let the dulcet tones of that woman's lovely voice keep him warm. Brian thought about the first time he heard the song. His father had bought the record and his parents played it one night after dinner. He recalled being instantly captured by the beauty of her voice and her ability to convey so much feeling as she sang. He also noted how dreamy the vocalist was on the cover photo of the album. Her soft golden hair and stunning blue eyes. Her perfect button nose and a smile that made your own heart bend.

She had made him feel something he had never felt before. Love. He fell in love with Doris Day that night. He listened to the entire album and realized he had found a voice that moved him and made him want to have romance and everything that came with it. It was a coming of age moment for him. His parents had been surprised at his interest in the singer. She was from their era, not his own. Why wasn't he swooning over Petula Clark or Marianne Faithful? They were lovely singers but there was just something about Doris. A softness. An almost ethereal quality. He was hooked.

Brian held onto that standard and sought these features out in many a girl through his teenage years. Even into early adulthood he was looking for a creature who captured everything Doris had to offer. And Doris became just what that song had spoke to him. A secret love. There was no way he was telling his friends about his yearning for a woman old enough to be his mother. His crush on someone who was in her youth when Brian was in nappies. He feared ridicule or just that they wouldn't understand. He never heard anyone else talk about being in love with a singer or actress so much older than themselves. So Doris became his secret love. And she carried him through his first awkward meetings with girls he met. With his first kiss and his first real girlfriend. With his first serious relationship and his first time making love. But it wasn't the same. No girl measured up. Where was the golden girl who could sing and perform and carry his heart in her smile? He never met her. His hope waned as he entered his third year at University. There were beautiful young women in every hallway and every pub he visited. Many of whom he watched get picked up by his friends. Mates who weren't too shy and easily made the first move. It was disheartening the most when he encountered a girl in his Biology class who was an absolute vision. She didn't exactly look like Doris but she had an ethereal quality that mirrored hers. Brian found himself pining for this lady but he never could find his courage to ask her out. He only found the words to write a song about her. His longing and his desires and the sadness of watching this enchanting girl only from afar.

He couldn't tell his good friend and former bandmate about Doris but he told Tim about his White Queen. Tim was impressed with the song and encouraged him to keep writing. They had reconnected after going their separate ways when leaving Hampton Grammar. Tim was taking art courses at another school in London but their desire to keep music in their lives had them meeting up to listen to records and making some plans for a future band. After much discussion, they drafted an advertisement and Brian placed it on the notice board for musicians at his college. They were asking for someone of quite high standards. What was the point of forming a band if they were only going to be mediocre? So they waited for a response for a drummer of renown. A Mitch Mitchell/Ginger Baker caliber drummer.

While they did receive a few inquiries, one in particular stood out. A phone call from a young man who was studying at another school had been informed of their notice by his flat mate. The man in question was named Roger Taylor and he had moved to London from his hometown of Truro. Brian was fascinated by his accent and his unusual voice. It was soft and a bit high for a man. They spoke briefly about what the band was looking for and Roger said he was confident he could deliver what they wanted. Brian wrote him a letter with more details and was delighted at the correspondence he received back a few days later. Based on Roger's responses he was beginning to feel there was some real possibility with this candidate. He spoke to Tim and hoped to meet this potential drummer the next week. They all found some time available on a Sunday morning. So Brian and his band mate Tim took the bus to the Shepherd's Bush address given to them and walked the few remaining blocks to the desired street. Both were clutching guitar cases in their hands.

Tim rang the bell and he and Brian shared a look of anticipation as the door swung open. A young man with mousy brown hair answered.

"Are you Brian and Tim?" the man inquired as he eyed them both. Tim nodded and smiled.

"We are! Are you Roger?" Tim asked. The man shook his head. Brian didn't recognize the man's voice as Roger's.

"Nah! I'm Les! The one who saw your advert! Rog is here though...come on in..." Les swung the door wider and the two guitarists entered the small room. Brian surveyed the living space and found it full of natural light from two large front windows. A swirl of dust came up with the breeze coming through the front door and the door to another room opened and someone stepped out. There before him stood a young blond creature. It was a man but just barely. He couldn't have been more than 17 or 18. And he was barely a man because there was something so soft and almost feminine about him. Brian had never seen a guy who looked so much like a girl. Sure; plenty of musicians and artists had grown their hair out and took on a more androgynous facade. But this young man came by it naturally. His flaxen hair was long but worn in an uneven manner. It didn't take away from its silken beauty or the shine that was caught by the light from the windows. As the young man approached him Brian was instantly struck by his vivid blue eyes. They were reminiscent of another pair of sapphire orbs that enchanted him. The consideration made Brian's breath catch.

"Are you Brian?" the young man asked in a familiar voice as he looked straight into Brian's own eyes. The guitarist's voice faltered as he struggled to process the vision standing before him. 

"Yeah..." Brian finally managed to find the word and breathed it out. The next moment was one that Brian would remember for the rest of his life. The blonds face lit up with delight and something unbelievable happened. He smiled. And that smile was the one that Brian had been searching for to no avail. Peach colored lips that drew up at each end and captured what happiness is with one movement.

Without realizing it Brian smiled back. And his smile remained as they learned that Roger's drum kit was still in his hometown of Truro but he had a set of bongos he was happy to play for them. They all sat and watched as Roger showed his adept skill on the skins. His hands pounding against them in a perfect rhythm. And Brian's own smile grew wider as he and Tim got out their acoustic guitars and proceeded to have an impromptu jam with their newfound talent. They locked into each other instantly and felt excitement at what this situation proposed. He was certain they had found their drummer and Tim seemed keen as well.

Roger advised them he would travel to get his kit and they could meet to do more playing together. He would contact them as soon as it was arranged. Brian and Tim left feeling confident about the group's future. Days went by and Brian was distracted from his school work by thoughts of the charming blond drummer. He sat in his classes and fell into a daze as he remembered his beautiful face and that heart catching smile. But he said nothing to anyone about his infatuation. His crush. He wasn't entirely sure what to think about it anyway. His quest had been to find a woman who matched his beloved Doris. Not another man. 

The call from Roger came one afternoon when Brian was studying. He was thrilled to hear back from the drummer and they set up a time to meet in the Jazz room at Brian's college. It turned out Tim couldn't make it but encouraged Brian to see him play his kit and report back. Butterflies were rampant inside Brian as he arrived at the college building and entered the reserved room. He had his guitar tuned and ready when Roger appeared and they both got his drums assembled. It was a fascinating process and topped by witnessing the drums actually being tuned. Brian was impressed with everything about this musician and tried to focus on his skills and not his looks as they both began jamming together. The chemistry between them was instantaneous and both felt something spark. It only helped to make Brian feel this young man was the most engaging person he had ever met in his life.

After breaking down the kit and storing it in the borrowed car, Roger offered Brian a ride home. Brian accepted and found Roger walking with him to his dorm room. It was early evening and Brian invited Roger to come in for awhile. He ordered some Chinese food and they sat on the floor of his tiny quarters talking music and about previous bands they had played in. Brian's room-mate had gone home for the weekend. When the food arrived Brian went to pay for it and Roger found Brian's small record collection. He flipped through the albums as Brian came back carrying the paper sack filled with their order.

"Do you mind if I put a record on?" Roger asked Brian as he placed the sack down on the floor between them. 

"Pick whatever you want..." Brian answered. Roger resumed reviewing his choices and appreciated the order the albums were in. He was halfway through his Beatles albums and kept looking. After moving past Cream he came across an album he didn't expect to find in the guitarist's music collection. Brian worked on opening the small white cartons and pulled out two pairs of chopsticks.

"This is unusual..." Roger commented as he pulled the record from the bin and held it up. Brian looked up and found Roger holding his copy of Doris Day's album that contained his secret song. His face went pink at being found to possess this record. Brian rushed over and tried to take the record from Roger.

"Sorry...my Mum's stuff got mixed up with mine..." Brian mumbled as an excuse. Roger quickly moved his hand away and kept hold of the album. Not letting Brian take it from him. 

"Hang on!" Roger said back and turned the record over to see what songs were on the track listing. Brian felt his stomach churn as he watched Roger scan the back cover. He noticed that Roger didn't seem taken aback by his having the disc. Even so, Brian's anxiety rose as he waited for some type of judgement or mocking from his new potential bandmate.

"How about Hendrix or Cream?" Brian suggested out of nervousness. To his surprise Roger leaned forward and began sliding the vinyl from the sleeve of Doris Day's album. "What are you doing?" Brian asked and found Roger focused on setting the record on his turntable and moving the arm over.

"There is a song of hers I like..." Roger commented as he carefully placed the needle on the vinyl. Brian took a step back and avoided looking at Roger. He wondered what song Roger had chosen and busied himself with their food. Roger shuffled on his hands and feet back to where the food was as the song began. Brian froze when he heard the familiar notes. It was his song. Brian picked up his chopsticks to give him something to do and heard Roger pick up a carton of food. He decided to steal a glance at the blond and felt his heart quicken at the sentimental expression he wore. Then it happened!

'Once I had a secret love...' 

Brian sat in complete shock as Roger began singing the words to the song. His secret song. He remembered Roger saying he could sing but their time together jamming had never included any vocalizations. But here he was performing this beautiful song in a voice that was a mix of a high register and a slight edge that reminded you he was in fact male. It sent a shiver down Brian's spine and did something to his heart.

They both sat holding food containers as Roger sang the words from memory and Brian felt every note go through him. He was frozen as Roger finished and sighed lightly as he picked up his chopstick and poked at some cashew chicken. Roger glanced up at Brian and noticed the odd expression on his face. He gave him an crooked smile.

"I really like that song..." Roger defended to the man across from him. Brian was suddenly able to move and found his own awkward smile.

"So do I..." Brian agreed and exhaled out the breath that seemed to linger inside him. It was nice to be able to admit his affection for the song. "I never met someone else who liked it..." Brian remarked and Roger leaned back against the wall behind him.

"I think most people our age wouldn't admit liking it...but fuck em if they don't...it's a good song..." Roger commented and popped a piece of chicken in his mouth. Brian admired Roger's attitude and not caring what anyone else thinks. He wished he could let go of worrying about other people's feelings towards him. Roger finished chewing and swallowed his bite. He grinned at Brian and tapped the side of the cardboard container with his chopstick. "Wanna go for a drink after this?" Roger asked him. Brian was thrilled with the idea and smiled at Roger.

"Sounds great!" he replied. The men got around and headed out for the local pub. After collecting their beers and settling in a tiny booth Brian sat and listened to Roger talk of his ambitions and dreams of being a real musician. A star. He couldn't take his eyes off of him and barely sipped his beer as every hidden desire within Brian felt possible with this charming being. Another round of beers came and went and soon it was time to call it a night.

The walk back to the car was too short for Brian's liking and his heart began to fill with a sense of sadness that this magical night was coming to an end. He was grateful they would be in a band together and he would get to see him regularly. This was his salve as they slid into the car and Roger headed back to Brian's dormitory. Roger turned on the radio in the borrowed car and the sound was static filled and then disappeared. He banged his fist against the component.

"Les has got to get this fixed...." Roger grumbled and then sighed as he surrendered to the fact there would be silence. Brian tried to look ahead at the road but found himself staring sideways at the driver. Still besotted with him. He hoped Roger didn't notice him leering. It was silent for a block when Roger suddenly cleared his throat and Brian thought he was going to say something.

'Once I had a secret love...'

Roger started singing the song from earlier and Brian's heart began thumping in his chest as he listened to him. For some reason, he felt brave and decided to take a chance. He opened his own mouth to sing.

'That lived within the heart of me'

The men came together in a beautiful harmony and both of their eyes lit up as they continued the verse. Delighting in how amazing they sounded when they sang as one.

'All too soon my secret love  
Became impatient to be free'

'So I told a friendly star'  
The way that dreamers often do  
Just how wonderful you are  
And why I am so in love with you'

When they finished this portion of the song Roger stopped and smiled at Brian. He smiled back and a warmth passed between them. 

"We sound really good together..." Roger commented as he turned to eye the road. 

"We do...." Brian agreed and felt his stomach twirling at Roger's opinion. Thrilled at how well matched they seemed musically. He secretly hoped deep inside the well of his heart they might be matched in other ways. But that seemed an impossibility and he only gazed at him with friendship in his eyes.

"I think this might be the beginning of something quite remarkable!" Roger confessed as he pulled up to the walkway by Brian's building. Brian nodded his head as the car came to a stop.

"I think so too..." Brian concurred. Roger looked right at him and Brian felt mesmerized by those hypnotic blue eyes and his radiant smile. It took everything in his power not to lean over and kiss him. He took a breath and stuck his hand out to his new friend. "Here's to a promising future!" Brian declared. Roger's face showed his belief in those words and he shook his hand.

"Here's to us!" he said back. Brian nodded lightly and felt he had to go before he did something foolish. 

"See you at practice..." Brian mumbled and turned to open the car door. He stepped out and waved as he shut the door. Roger waved back and pulled out from the curb.

Brian got in bed that night and laid his head against his pillow and sighed. His head swirling with the memory of every moment of his day. He smiled wistfully and closed his eyes. Hoping his dreams would be filled with the face of that creature who had so quickly captured his heart. 

His secret love....


End file.
